Hello beautiful human,
Once upon a time I sat in a circle of women. We had been meeting regularly for years, a couple of times a month, and at this specific moment a grievance had arisen between two of the members. I don’t remember the details now. Someone did something someone said something someone was hurt both someones were hurt. There was a rift.
Once upon a time, that circle came together to offer witness, as these two members spoke truth to each other. We listened. Each person offered her truth. After each had spoken deeply and feelingly into the situation, we went around the room and each member spoke into the situation. No one accused. No one blamed. We simply spoke from our positions and perspectives, bringing in our experiences to bear and offering what we could.
I don’t know how to talk about this experience. It was profound. The space expanded to hold multiple truths and viewpoints and what became clear was a question of capacity. Can we hear each other? Who can make space for another’s alternative version and vision? We weren’t there to be nice or make anyone comfortable. If someone couldn’t hear another or make room, we reflected that back too. Mirrors can be very uncomfortable.
It will take the time it takes. All voices must be heard. All voices must be held. The work of witness is a first step to healing. This is important. This is priority. We will all come together and make time for this.
I find little place for that sort of sacred listening and witnessing in corporate America. Even in the non-profit sector we rarely find that sort of braver space being made and anchored by spirit and heart. And in the halls of government? Our government? Well that’s a good laugh for the morning. Thank you for that.
How do we shift these patterns of noise and reaction?
Like maybe some of you, I grew up and lived most of my adult life in family and cultural and institutional systems built on argument, discussion and achievement. Feelings were understood to be private matters, unable to be addressed and supposedly one’s individual responsibility to clear up. There was a sense of embarrassment when one’s feelings leaked out—especially the uncomfortable ones. As though the person who was upset was the problem, somehow.
Maybe you can feel me on this? ;-)
I’m glad to say I’m not in that place any more. For whatever reasons and through whatever blessings and not on my own, I’ve shifted my perspective and stepped into a new room, where feelings are respected as valid, as indicators, as signposts to what needs to be addressed. Where we sit with discomfort, where we learn to discern. Where we ask for help. Where we practice courage.
But honestly, that takes place mostly in private, intimate relationship spaces. Where do we go from here? How to expand these practices and perspectives, to include them in larger and different spaces and places?
Once upon a time I helped to anchor a space where something remarkable happened, and many spaces like it. Tis morning in this Inviting Space I can own that and lean into it…and wonder what comes next.
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